for many years i have experienced occassional “space outs”
when i was poorlier i believed i could see the future in these episodes, so whenever i tried to explain my distress about them, i would just be fobbed of with the reply “if you see the lottery numbers let me know”
no one ever took them seriously. they probably thought i was being delusional.
in the last few months, however, they have got much more frequent. sometimes occuring many times a day.
so i decided to attempt to tell a professional again. i feel i can explain myself better now than i could back then.
i saw my GP and they listened to me.
i tried to say in detail what it feels like, without sounding crazy!
i desribed how it seems to start with me feeling weird and like i’m about to faint, and then i space out as i get a really strong and unsettling sense of deja vu. i don’t lose consciousness. i can still hear and understand things going on around me. i don’t fall. but i can’t seem to speak.
this whole process takes place in a short space of time. so far my space outs have lasted between 2 and 6 seconds.
the GP reassured me that they don’t think it is anything sinister, in that it isn’t being caused by a dysfunction in my brain. they think it may be being caused by anxiety, a physical response to a psychological cause. i believe they are referred to as non-epilectic seizures (or NES).
i spoke to my key worker after the appointment and they agreed it seemed accurate and that they would help me try and recognise and manage my anxiety better.
the GP told me to keep a diary of each time it happens. i should include how i feel immediately before, during, and after an episode. how long the espisode lasts, and what the episode presents as. if the space outs get much more frequent or escalate in severity, i’m to get back in touch immediately. otherwise i will be seen again in 6 months time.
i just feel relieved that i’ve been listenend to and might have an explanation for these worrying experiences.
it is nice to be taken seriously